Last week I was able to go visit a college friend and her family who live in Ohio. It was a fantastic trip! We were able to explore some things around where they live and I had the opportunity to see some things on base because her husband had gotten me a visitors pass for the week. Most of our time together was spent on their family’s schedule. Which I had no problem with. My friend and I were able to hang out, talk, and laugh for a long extended time for the first time in a long time! It reminded me a lot of our college days, minus her husband & children. 🙂 I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her children (when they weren’t at school or at their other activities) and they are my new little buddies. They kept me laughing and wanted me to play with them all the time. I hope they had as much fun as I had!
The trip was immensely needed for my heart and soul. It was more than wonderful to go somewhere and be able to spend time with a dear friend. I couldn’t have gone if it hadn’t of been for my friend and her husband. For that, I am so very thankful and appreciative for their generosity. God orchestrated the timing of this trip perfectly for both myself and for my friend.
The week was tough for me physically. To be honest, there wasn’t a day I didn’t struggle. Much like when I am at home and in my “normal routine”. But because I was there to see my friend and spend time with her and her family, I pushed through everything more than I usually do. I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get to see any sites or just experience day to day things with her or her children. I also knew the children wouldn’t understand if I didn’t do what we planned to do and I didn’t want to let them down (they were really excited). Last week was about profoundly more than how I felt, so that took the back burner and I dealt with it and kept going. My friend would have been supportive if there had been a day I just couldn’t have done something. I am also very aware how much people worry and get scared when they see how it really is with and for me. So unless you are my parents, I am probably putting on a huge front for you. Even with my parents there are times I have to put a front on. It’s because no one really understands. That’s OK. I don’t expect anyone to understand.
Actually, I don’t expect much from people anymore. In last 6 months to a year, I’ve had to step back a lot from most of my relationships and interactions (i.e. social media, calling, emailing, texting, card sending/letter writing). With that, I’ve noticed that if I don’t initiate contact with most of my friends or people in my life, I rarely if ever hear from anyone. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but I physically don’t have the energy to do it. I can’t always be the one to first say hey or to always check in to see how someone is doing. If that means that I lose friends or never hear from people, then that is the way it will be. It’s been hard because some of the people I thought would always be there, aren’t. It also hurts because I’ve always been the type of friend to be there in some way when a friend needed someone. And, now I can’t be that person or that type of friend who is there when or if needed. I know people are busy and have their own lives (with a lot going on) and I don’t fault anyone for being busy or overwhelmed with what’s going on in their own lives. But if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will try. Try to say hello every once and awhile, try to check in, try to keep in contact, try to let you know you’ve been on their mind, try to get together, etc. These days it’s a lot easier to even TRY to get in contact with someone for any reason. There are so many options and ways, which I think hinders us all as well.
When you have a chronic illness and chronic pain, it’s extremely isolating. There are many days where you can’t get out of bed or if you do, you move to the couch. Many days where you might be able to be up and about and do a few things, but not able to get out of the house. That wears on you emotionally. Not only are you not getting out anywhere, you don’t hear from people. I am so very thankful I have 4 or 5 friends who I hear from on a pretty regular basis. Even if it’s just to ask how I am doing or to say they’ve been thinking of me/praying for me. Four of the five friends live a significant distance from me. One I have never met in person. We “met” through a mutual friend. But, she’s been such a blessing. She actually understands pretty much everything I’m going through. She has significant health issues with chronic pain, etc. For the friend that lives close, she makes an effort to get together with me when her work schedule allows. I am beyond grateful for her and always wanting to hang out. She always brings lots of laughter and joy with her when we get together! We can spend all day just talking… and enjoy it sometimes more than going out and doing something.
With all of that, it meant more than I could ever express to have an old friend who I don’t get to see much, and we don’t always get to talk much because of how life can get in the way… but she and her husband made it possible for me to come visit. So if you have seen any of the pictures, I’ve posted. Yes, I may have been putting on a front with how I was feeling physically. But my heart and happiness was shining through all that in my smiles and laughter. I may have been in a lot of pain, but I was extremely happy. My heart was sad leaving on Saturday. I thought the children might cry. Especially the youngest one. He looked so sad on the way to the airport. But, I was also looking forward to letting go of the front and sleeping in my own bed. I’m still physically recovering from last week. That is normal. So don’t feel bad about any of it, friend. It was more than worth it!
With traveling, I always meet the most interesting people. Usually they are sitting next to me on a plane or train or in the airport. The trip last week didn’t disappoint at all with that. I love meeting people while traveling and just hearing some of their story or where they are going. Whatever they feel like sharing. 🙂 I met a 73 year old great grandmother (her words!) who was on her way to France with some friends. She told me a lot about what she & her friends were planning to do. I met a guy from Romania, who just got married last month (newlyweds!) to his wife, who is from Greece. They live in England and he was in Ohio on a work trip. He was nervous and apprehensive about coming to the US. His mind was quickly changed once he arrived and started meeting colleagues. I also met a woman who was on her way back home from Belgium on a work trip. We were both waiting for the last leg of our trips, sitting beside each other in the airport when we found out our flight was delayed. We both groaned (but I had somehow known it would happen to me at some point on this trip). I felt so bad for her. She had been sick on her trip and she looked so exhausted. She was enjoyable to talk to some while we were waiting. Then, we both got back to reading our books. 🙂
I wish I had the means to travel more. Not only are there so many places I’d love to go (I have a list). But, I absolutely love meeting and talking to people along the way. I feel so alive being able to do that. (For those that know me, you’re probably shocked. Me, the quiet, reserved & introverted one!) Then, I go home and don’t feel so alive with the way I feel physically and having to cope with all that comes with it all the time. So, I am grateful for any chance I have to feel alive. Whether it be spending time with some kids for a few hours, or seeing friends, being with family, meeting someone new, or staying with/spending time with my Grandpa… I’m thankful for those (even if I never see you or hear from you again) who give me the opportunity to feel alive on any given day and make me feel like I have a purpose.
Thank you friend, for making me feel alive & like I had a purpose last week. I can never thank you enough!
“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or too tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are a part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.”
“An adventurous life does not necessarily mean climbing mountains, swimming with sharks or jumping off cliffs. It means risking yourself by leaving a little piece of you behind with all those you meet along the way.”
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty From Affliction 