Beauty From Affliction

A few weeks ago I met up with a very dear friend to see a movie. Afterwards, we went somewhere to talk and catch up since we last saw each other. As with anytime that we get together when she’s back in our hometown, we went somewhere and talked for 3 or 4 hours. In the course of our conversation, I realized this month my constant, non-stop migraine attack is 18 years old. Each year it gets harder and harder to survive. I’ve now had this migraine attack for as long as I had been alive when it started. As I sit here reading what I typed… I have trouble fathoming the migraine I currently have started when I was 18 years old and a freshman in college! Even in this difficult season of life, God has been faithful. It’s not always easy to see His faithfulness. but He always provides glimmers of hope for me to hold onto. Looking back over the last 18 years, He continues to give me exactly what I need at the perfect time. Without Him, I wouldn’t have made it this far or probably even at all.

My friend encouraged me to write about this anniversary and to keep writing in my blog when I’m able. She said she always enjoys reading what I have to say — at least there’s one that does! (Ha!) So here I am, taking her advice…

Since I last posted, not much has changed with my head or the way I feel. It seems to me as if every year, the changing of each season gets more and more difficult for me to handle and navigate. The intensity of my pain and other symptoms scream at me to notice that something around me is changing. Considering all of my triggers are so mixed up now, it’s hard to even know which ones are making that day a bigger challenge. It also doesn’t help that triggers can accumulate over several days. I have felt like I’m drowning or being crushed by the weight of all my pain for several months now. It’s not always easy to find the beauty in my illness, and I tend to hide a lot of the bad the majority of the time because I don’t want to burden anyone. I’m extremely thankful for and appreciative of my parents and how they are always so supportive, encouraging and always trying to help when I need it in the midst of all they have going on. I don’t thank them enough for all they do. They see me and have to deal with me at my worst, especially when I’m not very kind because of how bad I feel. I owe them so much and could never repay it all. I love you Mom and Dad! Don’t know how I would survive without you.

The joy of my heart and something that helps me get through the days and weeks is being a special part of a few families that let me spend time with their children. I may not be able to work as a full time teacher anymore because of how much my health has gone downhill, but I hope and pray that I’m still teaching these children some wonderful things and encouraging them, their interests, their silliness, their happiness, and their dreams in my interactions with them. I am forever grateful that God put these families in my life so many years ago, while I was still a teacher and has allowed me to remain a part of their lives.

Continuing what I did last year for the anniversary of my migraine attack, I am going to share 18 things about myself.

I don’t particularly like sharing a lot of random things about myself to people I don’t know very well. Yet, here I am doing just that.
I have chronic insomnia. It started about the same time as this 18 year old migraine attack. Up until college, I never struggled with sleeping. It’s extremely frustrating since lack of sleep is one of my migraine triggers. So, my pain gets worse because of not sleeping and when the pain is worse, it keeps me from sleeping. A never ending cycle! (Yes, I’ve tried pretty much everything for it.)
I express myself better in writing. As do most introverts.
March Madness is one of my favorite times of the year. Love watching college basketball! One thing I look forward to every year during this time period are the commercials that Charles Barkley, Samuel L. Jackson, and Spike Lee do.
I don’t like coffee. I have tried so hard to like it, because I absolutely love the way coffee smells. If it could taste as fantastic as it smells, I’d be sold! My grandma and I used to have conversations about how we both loved the smell but hated the taste.
Lasagna is one of my favorite foods. It’s sooo good and such a comfort food for me!
Country music is my favorite. (I’m not much of a fan of the majority of today’s country.) But, I listen to and enjoy most every genre of music.
Pineapple is my favorite fruit.
Apparently my celebrity doppelgänger is Anne Hathaway. Several times, random people I don’t know have stopped me and told me how much I look like her. It happened more often when Anne and I both had short hair. The other one I hear at times, is Claire Danes. Especially when she was on “My So Called Life”.
Brussels sprouts were one of my dog, Coby’s favorite foods. He loved almost all vegetables and of course all food!
My hands and feet are almost always cold. (Yes, I’ve had it checked out to make sure nothing else is going on.) Did you know that it can be a symptom of migraine disease?
I can’t buy sheets/pillowcases, shirts, dresses or jackets/coats without physically touching them or trying them on first. My skin has become so sensitive that I have to make sure clothing or sheets won’t irritate my skin.
I always meet the most interesting people on airplanes, in the airport, or train station/train while I am traveling. I’ve even kept in touch with a few of them. One of my favorite plane rides I’ve experienced was when I was sitting beside one of these people and we ended up talking considerably during our 9 hour flight. (I can count on one hand the number of people who have been my favorite seat mates on a plane.) We kept in touch and became good friends even though we live on 2 different continents. I hope we are able to meet up again at some point in the future. Would love to meet his family one day — he’s gotten married and had a son since we met!
I saw Richard Simmons in a mall in Georgia on my 16th birthday. He had about 10 body guards to protect him from all the women there to see him. It was an event with a stage and I’m sure he did some type of exercise demonstration/class. He was wearing one of his flashy tank tops with short shorts. It all made me laugh — especially seeing it all in person!
I can’t stand to hear other people eating loudly. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.
I have my grandma’s last bottle of the perfume she wore. It’s about 1/3 full. I’ve used it just a few times so far, but mainly just smell it every now and then to remember. It’s amazing how many memories are tied to smell.
I care deeply about the people in my life. I try to be there for them, make them laugh, encourage them, love them, pray for them, etc. Although with my health the way it is now, I’m not able to do as much as I used to. Feel like I let people down a lot nowadays because I’ve always had high expectations of myself in how to treat and be there for others.
I used to collect stamps. I have some from all over the world.